The Social Programming That's Keeping You Broke
It Wasn't Always Like This
My grandmother is in her late 90s and she isn’t ashamed about darning socks or driving the same car for 15 years. Your great-grandfather didn't worry that his neighbors would judge him for brown-bagging lunch every day. They lived through the Great Depression, when thrift was a virtue and waste was shameful.
But somewhere between then and now, American culture flipped completely. Today, frugality is embarrassing. Saving money makes you seem cheap. Not upgrading your lifestyle with every pay raise makes people wonder what's wrong with you.
This transformation didn't happen by accident. It was engineered by corporations, enabled by government policy, and reinforced by decades of cultural messaging that redefined what it means to be successful, patriotic, and even moral in America.
Today we're going to trace how American society went from celebrating thrift to worshiping consumption, and how these cultural messages are sabotaging your wealth building every single day. More importantly, we'll explore how to resist the social programming that's designed to keep you spending.
The goal isn't to turn you into a hermit who never spends money. It's to help you recognize when you're making financial decisions to satisfy other people's expectations rather than your own goals.
The Great Flip: From Thrift to Consumption (1900-1960)
The Protestant Work Ethic Era (Pre-1920s)
I’m going to start with a history lesson. I think it’s important to understand that society wasn’t always like this. There is another way and it was the default for most people roughly 100 years ago.
For most of American history, the cultural values around money were the opposite of today's:
Thrift was virtuous: The values associated with domestic spending upheld traditional American concerns with pragmatism and morality, rather than opulence and luxury. Americans feared that spending would lead to decadence and there was an uneasiness with consumption.
Debt was shameful: Borrowing money was a sign of poor planning or moral failure. Cash purchases were the norm, and "neither a borrower nor a lender be" was common wisdom.
Status came from character, not possessions: Your reputation was built on your work ethic, community involvement, and moral character, not your house size or car model.
Waste was sinful: The Protestant work ethic taught that squandering resources was a moral failing. People mended clothes, preserved food, and fixed things rather than replacing them.
The Cultural Revolution (1920s-1930s)
Everything changed in the span of about 15 years:
"Buy now, pay later" became normal: Consumer debt more than doubled between 1920 and 1930. "Buy now, pay later" became the credo of many middle class Americans of the Roaring Twenties. (source)
Consumption became identity: "The cardinal features of this culture were acquisition and consumption as the means of achieving happiness; the cult of the new; the democratization of desire; and money value as the predominant measure of all value in society." (source)
Advertising created artificial desires: Companies began using psychological techniques to make people want things they'd never needed before. Advertisers were no longer simply responding to demand; they were creating demand.
The "democratization of desire": Significantly, it was individual desire that was democratized, rather than wealth or political and economic power. Everyone was told they deserved the good life, regardless of their ability to afford it. (source)
Post-WWII: Consumption as Patriotic Duty (1945-1960s)
After World War II, the cultural messaging became even more powerful because it wrapped consumption in patriotism:
Spending became civic responsibility: "The good purchaser devoted to 'more, newer and better' was the good citizen," historian Lizabeth Cohen explained, "since economic recovery after a decade and a half of depression and war depended on a dynamic mass consumption economy." (source)
The suburban lifestyle became the American Dream: Television showed families that the "normal" American life included a house in the suburbs, multiple cars, and every modern appliance. Anything less was failure.
Conformity became cultural pressure: The postwar period was characterized by the importance of conformity and material success. Consumer items were associated with prestige and satisfaction. This wasn't organic cultural evolution. It was manufactured. Since World War II, the U.S. government has presented consumerism as a way out of crisis or decline.
The Modern Social Pressure Machine
Television: The Great Persuader (1950s-present)
Television didn't just bring advertising into homes. It fundamentally changed how Americans saw themselves and their place in society.
Creating artificial lifestyle expectations: Television advertising emerged as a loud voice of the American Dream, promoting the values of consumption and leisure grounded in a domestic, family-oriented lifestyle.
The power of visual suggestion: The advent of television greatly magnified the potential impact of advertisers' messages, exploiting image and symbol far more adeptly than print and radio had been able to do.
Social Media: Peer Pressure on Steroids (2000s-present)
If television was the great persuader, social media is the great amplifier. It took every destructive social pressure around money and made it constant and personal.
The highlight reel problem: Social media shows everyone else's best moments: vacations, purchases, achievements, while you're living your behind-the-scenes reality. This creates artificial pressure to "keep up."
Lifestyle inflation becomes visible: Before social media, you only compared yourself to your immediate neighbors and colleagues. Now you compare yourself to everyone you've ever met, plus influencers, celebrities, and random strangers.
FOMO drives purchases: "Fear of missing out" makes people spend money on experiences and items to avoid feeling left behind or excluded.
The democratization of luxury: Social media makes expensive lifestyles seem accessible to everyone. You see peers posting from expensive restaurants, vacations, and events, making you feel like you should be able to afford the same.
The Cultural Messages That Destroy Wealth
Message #1: "You Deserve This"
The cultural programming: You work hard, so you deserve nice things. Life is short, so you should enjoy your money. You've earned the right to indulge.
Why it's destructive: "Deserve" thinking divorces spending from financial reality. It makes purchases feel like moral imperatives rather than economic choices.
The reality: You deserve financial independence more than you deserve temporary luxuries. Every dollar spent on things you "deserve" is a dollar that can't work toward your freedom.
Message #2: "Life's Too Short Not to Enjoy Your Money"
The cultural programming: You could die tomorrow, so don't waste your life pinching pennies. Money is meant to be spent, not hoarded.
Why it's destructive: This creates false urgency around spending and frames frugality as somehow immoral or joyless.
The reality: Life is actually quite long for most people, and you'll enjoy it more if you're not financially stressed for decades. The pleasures money can buy pale in comparison to the peace of mind that financial independence provides.
Note: people ask me, “what if I get hit by a bus tomorrow? I’ll have cheated myself by saving.” I respond, “what if you live to 100? You’ll have cheated yourself by spending.”
Message #3: "Successful People Buy Nice Things"
The cultural programming: Expensive cars, clothes, watches, and homes are symbols of success. If you want to be taken seriously professionally or socially, you need to look the part.
Why it's destructive: This conflates consumption with achievement, when they're often opposite. Many "successful-looking" people are broke, while many wealthy people live modestly.
The reality: True success is having choices about how you spend your time. The most successful people often drive old cars and live in modest homes because they understand the difference between looking rich and being rich.
Message #4: "You Can't Take It With You"
The cultural programming: Since you can't take money to the grave, you might as well spend it while you're alive.
Why it's destructive: This creates a false choice between spending money and dying with it, ignoring the option of using money to buy freedom while you're alive.
The reality: The point isn't to die with the most money. It's to live with the most freedom. Money invested wisely can buy you decades of time freedom, which is far more valuable than any material possession.
Message #5: "Keeping Up Appearances"
The cultural programming: Your appearance reflects your professionalism, success, and respectability. Cheap clothes, old cars, or modest homes send the wrong message.
Why it's destructive: It makes people prioritize how others perceive them over their actual financial well-being.
The reality: People who truly matter won't judge you for being frugal. People who judge you for being frugal don't truly matter. Most people are too worried about their own finances to spend much time judging yours.
A Personal Example: The Business Class Ticket
Early in my career, I was chosen for an international project and found myself working alongside experienced executives who traveled frequently with access to special lounges. The company paid for economy fares during the project, but the executives paid out of pocket to upgrade to business class and access showers before and after flights. Meanwhile, I had only flown a few times total on short domestic routes.
The social pressure was subtle but constant. Comments about "when you're ready to sit with the big boys" and jokes about my "cattle class ticket" made me feel like I needed to upgrade to be taken seriously. I started researching upgrade prices and justifying the purchase: "It's a business expense," "I'll be more confident in client meetings if I’m rested," "Successful people fly business class."
Fortunately, I realized how silly this was before I paid thousands of dollars for a upgraded seat that would arrive at the same time as my “cattle class” one. I realized I was about to spend most of my monthly earnings to impress colleagues who probably wouldn't remember who I was a few months later.
Instead, I kept the economy ticket. The money I didn't spend on upgrades was enough to buy my first motorcycle! (It should have been invested, but that’s another story.) None of my career advancement was actually hindered by my choice of transportation.
The lesson: Social pressure to spend feels urgent and important in the moment, but the financial consequences sometimes last for years or decades.
The Most Destructive Message: Consumption = Success
Of all the cultural messages that sabotage wealth building, the equation of consumption with success is the most damaging because it's the foundation that supports all the others.
How it manifests:
Lifestyle inflation with every promotion
Pressure to live in "successful" neighborhoods
Expensive cars, clothes, and accessories as status symbols
Vacation destinations chosen for social media impact
Restaurant and entertainment spending to project an image
Why it's so destructive: This message creates a treadmill where you can never win. No matter how much you earn, you'll always feel pressure to spend more to signal your success. The result is high-income people living paycheck to paycheck.
The truth: Real success is having enough money invested that you don't have to work for money anymore. Everything else is performance for other people.
Consider two people:
Person A: Makes $150,000, drives a luxury car, lives in an expensive neighborhood, takes exotic vacations, and has $50,000 in total savings
Person B: Makes $75,000, drives a reliable used car, lives modestly, takes local vacations, and has $400,000 invested
Our culture would label Person A as more successful, but Person B is much closer to actual freedom. Person A is trapped by their lifestyle; Person B is building toward liberation.
How Social Pressure Actually Works
The Gradual Normalization Process
Social pressure to spend doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual process of normalization:
Exposure: You see others spending on things you don't have
Comparison: You start measuring your lifestyle against theirs
Rationalization: You develop reasons why you should spend similarly
Action: You make the purchase to reduce social discomfort
Habituation: The new spending level becomes your normal
Repeat: The cycle starts again with the next level of spending
The Social Cost of Frugality
In modern American culture, there are social costs to being frugal:
Professional costs: Being perceived as "cheap" or "unprofessional"
Social costs: Being excluded from expensive group activities
Dating costs: Appearing ungenerous or unsuccessful to potential partners
Family costs: Disappointing relatives who expect lavish gifts or events
Identity costs: Feeling like you're not living up to social expectations
These costs are real, but they're temporary. The cost of not being frugal (e.g. decades of financial stress and delayed freedom) is permanent.
Resistance Strategies: Deprogramming Yourself
Strategy #1: Redefine Success
Traditional definition: Success = high income + high consumption + status symbols
FI definition: Success = financial independence + time freedom + choice in how you live
Write down your personal definition of success and refer to it when feeling social pressure to spend. Ask yourself: "Does this purchase advance my actual definition of success, or someone else's?"
Strategy #2: Find Your Tribe
The problem: You can't fight cultural pressure alone. If everyone around you equates spending with success, you'll constantly feel pressure to conform.
The solution: Deliberately cultivate relationships with people who share your financial values. This might mean:
Joining FI communities online
Finding friends who prefer free or low-cost activities
Connecting with colleagues who drive older cars and live modestly
Spending more time with family members who value thrift
The result: When frugality becomes normal in your social circle, it stops feeling like sacrifice.
Strategy #3: Practice Selective Transparency
The approach: Be strategic about what you share regarding your financial choices.
With close friends and family: Be honest about your FI goals and why you make certain spending choices. Many people will be supportive once they understand your reasoning.
With acquaintances and colleagues: You don't owe anyone explanations for your financial choices. Simple responses work: "I'm happy with my current car," "I'm saving for other priorities," or "That's not in my budget right now."
The key: Don't make financial decisions to avoid potentially awkward conversations. The conversation lasts five minutes; the financial consequences last years.
Strategy #4: Develop "Enough" Awareness
The problem: Consumer culture is designed to ensure you never feel like you have enough. There's always a newer, better, more expensive option.
The solution: Regularly practice gratitude for what you already have. Make conscious decisions about what constitutes "enough" in each category of spending:
Housing: How much space do you actually need?
Transportation: What level of reliability and comfort is sufficient?
Clothing: How much variety do you actually use?
Entertainment: What activities bring genuine joy versus social status?
The practice: Before any significant purchase, ask: "What problem does this solve that I actually have?"
Strategy #5: Calculate Social Pressure Costs
The exercise: When you feel pressure to make a purchase for social reasons, calculate the true cost in terms of your FI timeline.
Example: That $500/month luxury car payment costs $150,000 from your FI number (using the 25x rule). Is looking successful to colleagues worth adding 2-3 years to your working life?
The realization: Most social pressure purchases cost far more in life energy than they provide in social benefit.
Strategy #6: Create Alternative Status Symbols
The insight: Humans have a natural desire for status recognition. Instead of eliminating this desire, redirect it toward FI-aligned behaviors.
FI status symbols:
High savings rate percentage
Years of expenses saved
Passive income streams
Time freedom and flexibility
Stress-free relationship with money
The community: Find groups where financial independence is the impressive achievement, not expensive consumption.
Strategy #7: Practice the Long View
The technique: When feeling pressure to spend for social reasons, project yourself 10 years into the future.
Questions to ask:
Will this purchase matter to me in 10 years?
Will the people I'm trying to impress matter to me in 10 years?
How will I feel about this decision when I'm 50? 60? 70?
What would my financially independent future self tell me to do?
The perspective: Most social pressure is about temporary discomfort. Financial independence is about permanent freedom.
Breaking Free from the Programming
Recognize the System
The first step is understanding that these cultural messages aren't natural or inevitable. They were created by people who profit from your spending. Consuming has been a way of demonstrating that the economy and the society are continuing to be vital and viable, but that doesn't mean it's good for your individual financial well-being.
Question Everything
Start questioning every financial decision: "Am I making this choice because it advances my goals, or because it's what society expects?" Most people never ask this question and spend their entire lives making financial decisions to satisfy other people's expectations.
Choose Your Hard
Being frugal is hard: You'll face social pressure, awkward conversations, and the occasional feeling of missing out.
Being broke is hard: You'll face financial stress, limited choices, and decades of mandatory work.
The truth: You're going to face hardship either way. Choose the hardship that leads to freedom rather than the hardship that leads to more hardship.
Remember Your Why
When social pressure feels overwhelming, remember why you're pursuing financial independence:
The ability to choose how you spend your time
Freedom from financial stress
Options when life doesn't go according to plan
The chance to pursue meaning over money
These benefits are real and permanent. Social status from expensive purchases is temporary and requires constant maintenance.
The Bottom Line
American culture has been systematically programmed to encourage spending and discourage saving. This programming is so pervasive that most people don't even recognize it. They think their spending decisions are personal choices when they're actually responses to decades of cultural conditioning.
The key insight: You can't build wealth while trying to look wealthy. These are mutually exclusive goals in our consumer culture.
The choice: You can either play the game of keeping up appearances and stay financially trapped, or you can recognize the game for what it is and choose not to play.
The result: Once you stop making financial decisions to satisfy other people's expectations, you'll be amazed how quickly you can build wealth and move toward financial independence.
The goal isn't to become antisocial or stop caring about your relationships. It's to recognize when social pressure is driving financial decisions and choose your long-term freedom over short-term social comfort.
Your future financially independent self will thank you for having the courage to be different.
Until then, your homework: Identify one area where you spend money primarily for social reasons and calculate what that money could become if invested instead. Sometimes seeing the numbers is enough to break the spell of social pressure.
Here's to building wealth, not appearances,
Max
Remember: The people whose opinions matter most (your future self, your family, your closest friends) want you to be financially secure more than they want you to look impressive. Everyone else's opinion of your spending choices is none of your business.